With the latest news that Nate Burleson will be placed on injured reserve for the rest of the season, the need to bring in some receiver help becomes all the more critical for Seattle. The subsequent release of WR Jordan Kent and rookie RB Justin Forsett does nothing to alleviate the situation. With Kents departure, Seattle is left with two healthy receivers going into Sunday’s game against San Francisco. Don’t get me wrong, I think a team could go in a beat the 49ers with a Cub Scout and a homeless guy as the leading receivers, but I’d rather not take that chance just yet. So, it is time for Seattle’s front office to mull over some possible free agent pickups, and I thought I throw in a few suggestions to help out Tim Ruskell and company….

1. Steve Largent.
Don’t fault me for getting people’s hopes up. It was Matt Hasselbeck who made this suggestion. While he is better than anyone we currently have one the roster, I just feel like the game has probably passed him by. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Get Largent on the phone and if he wants his old number back, take it out of retirement.

2. Koren Robinson
Assuming he’s sober right now, this could be an interesting pickup. I’m sure it wouldn’t take long for Robinson to start right where he left off, dropping passes and frustrating Seahawks nation! Not only can he drop passes, I’m sure he’d be able to muff punts too which would be a great addition to the leagues most formidable “special” teams.

3. Usain Bolt
When there was a lot of chatter about bringing Bolt in for an NFL tryout, I laughed. That laughter was replaced with that strange undulation that is something between laughter and crying as Seahawk receiver after Seahawk receiver went down with a serious injury. That is when I devised a checklist Seattle can use to weed out possible replacement receivers. Let’s see how Bolt checks out. Pulse. Check. Alright, he could be a good option. Plus, how sweet would a Bolt jersey be? Shouldn’t that be how we make front office decisions anyway?

4. D.J. Hackett
Oh, that’s right! We decided not to pay him in free agency because we had concerns about his ability to stay healthy. WTF! What is every other Seahawk receiver doing on the roster then?!

5. Michael Vick
With every Tom, Dick, and Harry calling for Seattle backup QB Seneca Wallace to step in and play I say Seattle gets Vick. Isn’t Wallace just a poor man’s Vick? Imagine the possibilities. Of course, this would all require some intricate prison-escape plan. The escape could be spun into a hilarious Harold and Kumar-type buddy comedy. Have Vick go incognito, and sign him as a receiver. Make sure you put a no dog, no rooster clause into that contract. Sit back and enjoy.

6. Matt Millen
I’m not suggesting we sign Millen as a receiver, but if there is ever a time this guy might be of some use, the time is now. A man who dafted four receivers in four consecutive first rounds displays the kind of foresight that Seattle obviously lacked. Look at Detroit. No receiver shortage up there!

7. Michael Phelps
I think this Olympic theme has promise, so hear me out. He wins gold medals like Ken Jennings wins Daily Doubles. He hangs out with a NFL receiver (Braylon Edwards). He’s tall. He’s hot like wasabi right now, so Seattle games might enjoy a wider market. Finally, football pays way better than swimming so just flash some benjamins in front of him and it is on like Donkey Kong.

There you go Seattle. I just did all the hard work, all you need to do is pick up the phone and make it happen. By the end of the week, we could go from two healthy receivers to nine. Think of the possibilities then!