In a move that shocks the casual sports fan but doesn’t surprise your average Raiders fan, Al Davis and the Raiders organization have found their new head coach. After an extensive search that included candidates like Pete Carroll and Ron Rivera, Al Davis selected the only coach he saw fit to lead the Raiders to the promise land. Raider Nation meet your new head coach, a Mr. Potato Head doll.

I went to Oakland to get more on the story…

When you first see Coach Potato Head, you immediately notice the hat. It’s a classic throwback to the days of Lombardi and Landry. Al Davis just hopes that Potato Head can do for the Raiders what Lomardi and Landry did for their respective franchises. Much like these two historic coaches, Potato Head is a disciplinarian first, player’s coach second. He has a relentless stare that just breaks a man down. It is almost like he doens’t have eyelids. Most importantly, you can tell Coach still loves the game. You’ll never catch him on the sideline with anything other than a smile on his face. Al Davis wanted a man that could find the middle ground between ambition and apathy. Someone akin to an inanimate object. He got close with Art Shell but he hit the bullseye with Coach Potato Head.

Mr. Potato Head has no prior head coaching experience. Not even any assistant coaching experience. His only experience was a short stint as the strength trainer for a Pop Warner team that went 3-9. All that doesn’t seem to bother Mr. Davis. “My staff tell me he’s in the Hall of Fame damnit! What do you think he’s in there for? Baking cookies?!” Mr. Davis screams. Mr. Davis is right, Mr. Potato Head is in the Hall of Fame. But Mr. Davis doens’t seem to understand that there is more than one hall of fame. I try to explain to him that Mr. Potato Head is in the National Toy Hall of Fame, not in Canton, OH. He stares at me blankly. It clearly doesn’t register.

The team seems optimistic about the new coach. Raiders DT Warren Sapp says, “Coach sees it all. It is like he has eyes in the back of his head, or the side of his head. Hell, sometimes it seems he even has eyes where his legs should be. Bottom line, if you mess up, Coach sees it. That’s what’s good about Coach, he won’t settle for second place.”

Coach Potato Head is ready for the challenge. I start thinking about the draft and I wonder who he’d want them to draft with the number one pick. He’d like to see them take QB Jared Zabransky or RB Ian Johnson, both out of Boise State. He has friends in Idaho. He thinks they run a good program up there. He shrugs the notion off. He knows Mr. Davis will still have much of the say in player personel decisions. But he’s okay with that. He’s here to coach.

I go to meet with Mr. Davis in his office. His secretary tells me he’s going to the bathroom and to just go ahead and take a seat in his office. It’s a nice office. Solid oak desk with gold inlay around the edge. Off to my left is a gorgeous aquarium with a few seahorses, an eel and countless other tropical fish. Of to my right is a posterboard with the tiltle “2007 NFL Draft”. There appears to be small pictures of potential draft picks scattered around the board, about 100 picture in all. Just below the posterboard there is a blindfold and seven darts sitting on a table. The darts have little labels on them. I can make out “Round 1″ and “Round 4″ on two of them. As I’m about to investigate further, Mr. Davis enters the room.

Al Davis has a disheveled look about him. I can’t tell if he’s been in the bathroom or in some sort of a struggle. Perhaps at his age, going to the bathroom has become a struggle. He ushers me to a chair in front of his desk and we start to talk.

“Sure people think I’m crazy! I am? Coach Potato Head is going to take this team to the Super Bowl. Did you get that? Write it down. So for now I’m sane, but this may be the last nail in the ol’…” Mr. Davis trails off. He’s staring blankly towards a bookshelf. I try to get his attention. Nothing. He begins to drool a little. I clap my hands and he snaps out of it.

“Eh? Where am I?” he questions. I try to tell him we’re in his office at Raiders headquarters. “The Raiders? What?” he’s confused. His secretary enters and so I decide to leave as she tries to explain to Mr. Davis that he is the owner of a multimillion dollar NFL franchise.

On my way out I spot some fans admiring the stadium. One fan I talk to seems cautiously optimistic, “Yeah, this new guy can’t do any worse than Art Shell.” “Or Norv Turner or Callahan!” another fan chimes in.

I can’t help but feel sorry for Raider Nation. Maybe Coach Potato Head will lead the Raiders to the promise land. A good part of me doubts it though. It could be worse. Along with Al Davis, Matt Millen could be the Raiders GM. Think about that Raider Nation.

Good night and good luck.